


Never Quite To Return

by poisontaster



Series: A Kept Boy [6]
Category: CW Network RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Slavery, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Master/Slave, Past Child Abuse, Rape Recovery, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-10
Updated: 2009-11-10
Packaged: 2018-05-02 15:41:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5253818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisontaster/pseuds/poisontaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six(ish) years into the future.  Bodhi's turning 10.  Jensen remembers ten very differently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Quite To Return

It's a _perfect_ day.

Which is actually quite a relief because they've all been planning this for over a month now and the last week, in particular, has had everyone living on their nerves. But Jeff woke up that morning to a brilliantly blue, cloudless sky and the weather woman's promise that it would last throughout the day. The whole house already smells like sweet things, like cake, like burnt and crystallized sugar in all its beautiful, infinite variety and even Bodhi's excited interruption of morning sex with Jensen can't wreck Jeff's mood.

***

"Are you sleeping? Oh, my God, Dad, how can you still be sleeping? Did you see? The guys with the tent are here! Oh, my God, this is going to be _epic_!"

"Bodhi. A little naked here."

"Ugh. _Dad._ "

"I could just get up and show you, if you prefer."

"Ugh. _Dad!_ " Bodhi fled and Jeff got to start his day with a smile.

"Are you ready for this? Despite Jeff's threats, it's Jensen who's the first out of bed; lounging in the sheets and watching him move, Jeff can't find much to complain about, though. "The big ten-oh?"

"That would be one hundred," Jensen corrects with a faint smile. He vanishes into the closet and Jeff lets his head fall back on the pillows with a sigh.

"Need some help in there?" he offers, totally half-hearted.

"Go take your shower," came the reply. "It's going to be a long day."

***

Jensen joins him in the shower.

It's just as awesome as it sounds.

***

"Hey." It takes Jeff time to unobtrusively work his way around the pool's edge to where Jensen is watching Misha make balloon animals for the kids.

Jensen startles a little, then turns to look at him. Almost seven years and the touch of those brilliantly green eyes—the way they warm at the sight of him—thrills down Jeff's spine, turning him goofy and awkward. "Hey." Jensen steps closer, making it easy for Jeff to curve his arm around Jensen's waist, tangle his fingers in the belt loop of Jensen's pants. "What's up?"

"Actually, I was going to ask you that question. This party was your brain child. And Bodhi's having the time of his life." Jeff points to where Jeremy is facing off against Bodhi and a good ten of his friends in an epic water gun battle. "Hell, even Robin's having a nice time. So why aren't you?" He hugs Jensen tighter against his side.

"I am," Jensen says. He does his best, but Jeff's had these almost-seven years to decipher the layers of Jensen's deception. He's not convinced.

"Sweetheart…" Jeff tugs Jensen around to face him, cupping Jensen's neck, his jaw. Jensen's eyelashes sweep down, half-hiding his eyes. "C'mon. If you don't want to talk, say that. But don't say it's nothing."

Jensen makes a slight nod of acknowledgment, still not looking up. "He's ten today," Jensen says, turning more in toward Jeff, head dipping like he wants to bury his face in the space between Jeff's shoulder and neck.

The answer is less illuminating than Jeff was hoping for. "Yeah, I know," Jeff says. "What does that mean?"

Jensen sighs and shrugs his body in a way that Jeff's learned means _let me go now_. When Jeff steps away from him, Jensen crosses his arms tightly. "It means…" Another sigh. "It means that when I was his age, I was having sex. Lord Cruise had been prepping me for three years and…"

"On your birthday?" Jeff asks. He's got more experience now at not sounding shocked at the things Jensen tells him, but he can't entirely keep it out of his voice this time. Not entirely.

Jensen shrugs, looking away. "I wanted it. I wanted… I wanted Lord Cruise so much. I wanted to please him, make him proud of me. I wanted him to love me. I wanted to be his, to be finally and fully owned. I know that. I remember that. Even when…even when it hurt, I hung onto that, how much _I_ wanted him, wanted that. But I look at Bodhi and…" Jensen's mouth presses flat, twists sideways and his eyelids flutter, fighting back heat or tears or both—Jeff can't tell. "He's so _little_. And it felt different, bigger, when it was me, but I look at _him_ and I think… I think I would kill someone who tried to do that to him. I wouldn't care. I'd just kill them. Because he's little. And he's a kid." Jensen finally looks at Jeff full-on, his eyes wet and angry at the same time. "And I don't know what to do with that."

Jeff doesn't either, always helpless when it comes to the long laundry list of violations and indignities that Jensen's been through. He spreads his hands. "What do you want, sweetheart? What do you need?"

"Just…hang onto me," Jensen says finally, hoarsely, stepping in close to Jeff's body, presenting him with his back. "Hang on tight, until it goes away again."

"I can do that," Jeff agrees, wrapping himself around Jensen and cinching his arms tight. Jensen shudders once, hard and then relaxes, melting back into Jeff. "I would do anything you want, you know. I love you. Is this good?"

"Yes," Jensen says, hooking his fingers in the place where Jeff's arms crisscross. "That…that's good. That's perfect."

Jeff hugs him tighter, making his own silent birthday wish.

"That's perfect," Jensen says again.


End file.
